After many years of separation from his parents, a boy named Ersultan is finally reunited with his family. But rather than being received joyfully, he gets a cold reception, treated like a stranger. When his father starts to hit him, it proves more than Ersultan can bear.

“Why did you give me away? All these years I worked and saved money, only to return to you!” he shouts at his father, tears streaming down his cheeks.

This scene is from a popular film in Kazakhstan, Bauryna Salu, a tale touching a raw nerve among millions of citizens in this Central Asian republic. The story centers on a national tradition of the same name, under which young parents give their first child over to be raised by the father’s father and mother. The child lives with his grandparents, and when they die or he or she grows up, s/he can return to his/her father and mother. However, after many years of separate life, an invisible wall often seems to grow between the first-born child and his or her parents.

In an interview with Eurasianet, the director, Askhat Kuchinchirekov, insisted that the film’s title not be translated into other languages. “I tried to show how lonely and unhappy a child feels, who has become a stranger to his own parents,” said Kuchinchirekov, who personally endured this painful experience.

At the outset of the film, Ersultan, who is about 12 years old, lives in a village with his grandmother and works at a salt mine so that they can feed themselves. At night, the boy looks at an old photo of his parents, who live far away, and secretly saves money to go to them. When the grandmother dies, the parents finally take Ersultan, but it quickly becomes apparent that the boy will never become a fully integrated member of his family.

The film got good reviews and has garnered awards, including recognition from the San Sebastian International Film Festival, Spain’s largest showcase, Kazakhstan’s “Critics’ Choice-2024” for the best debut in the country, and best youth film at the Asia Pacific Screen Awards (APSA). 

Kuchinchirekov says that he tried to tell his own story through the film. These days, he has a distant relationship with his parents. He maintains an occasional correspondence with his mother, exchanging greetings mainly on holidays, but they don’t have a close bond. “What stays with you when you grow up in this tradition is emotional trauma and loneliness,” Kuchinchirekov told Eurasianet.

According to him, many children who grew up in this tradition tend never to call their parents mom and dad because of their resentment for abandoning them. Others treat their grandfathers and grandmothers as their parents.

In his interview with Eurasianet, Kuchinchirekov told the story of an elderly woman who appeared in a background role in Bauryna Salu. The symbolism of this story is that she (the actress) also gave her eldest daughter to her husband’s parents and died of illness a few days before the premiere of the film. Before her death, she confessed to her daughter that all her life she dreamed of hearing the word “mother” from her. But the daughter was not able to fulfill her request.

Bauryna Salu has become a hot topic in Kazakhstan, sparking discussions about the controversial tradition and the reasons for its occurrence. It has also stoked heated debates about whether the custom is harmful or useful and whether it is outdated in the 21st century. 

Many supporters of the tradition contend that a child devoted to his or her grandfather and grandmother grows up more confident and self-reliant because from a young age s/he takes care of his older guardians and actively participates in maintaining the household.

“You become ‘pisic’ [a Kazakh word that combines several meanings: energetic, economic, practical, purposeful], this is a very important character trait that leads you to success,” said Serik Zhusupov, a resident of Almaty, who is raising his eldest grandson.

Zhusupov noted that older sons and daughters, who experienced the hardships of adult life in childhood, often become a support for their parents, brothers and sisters, helping them in difficult situations. 

Experts studying this custom point to several psychological and social problems associated with it. Most of all, they indicate that many children experience deep psychological trauma arising from separation from their father and mother in infancy. 

Karlygash Bizhigitova, associate professor of the Department of Social and Humanities at the University of International Business, noted in an interview with Eurasianet that the Bauryna Salu tradition was much more relevant and meaningful centuries ago. In those times, the first-born was given to the older generation, because young mothers had little experience, and the responsibilities of childcare and household management could prove overwhelming. In addition, Bizhigitova added, in those bygone days children did not experience the same levels of trauma and stress as now, mainly because extended families normally lived near each other back then. These days, it’s not unusual for extended family to live in different cities, or even different countries. 

Today, many young parents continue to give their children to the older-generation family members in order to be able to work if the family needs money. “Children growing up separately suffer all their lives, but they never had the right to choose,” Bizhigitova said. 

Despite the obvious negative consequences of the tradition, it is unlikely to be eradicated because many Kazakhs are committed to observing long-standing national customs. Bizhigitova wants young Kazakhs to rethink their approach to parenthood. 

“First ask yourself a question. Are you ready to become loving parents and are you not going to cripple your child’s soul?” she said.